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Shoes off at work

July 13, 2009

Having my shoes off while sitting at my desk makes a gigantic difference–both in terms of comfort level and in terms of psychological well-being.  First of all, no one in the office knows anything about it but me, which is fucking sweet.   Second of all and probably even more importantly, taking my shoes off makes it feel like I am at home, the place where historically the best shoe-removal of the day occurs.  It is, of course, worth worrying about the effects this mid-day shoe-removal may have on the amount of pleasure I will be able to extract from the normal end-of-the day shoe-removal, which will definitely lose much of its associated excitement after having already occurred earlier in the day at work.  It’s really pretty complicated, although not really, but it’s something worth looking into anyhow.

The point is, I hate shoes and I hate wearing them to work and I hate socks as well and both seem pretty unnecessary and complicated, especially socks, and I bet some asshole made a shitload of money pushing this garbage on everyone back in the day, and I also bet that there was some sweet old guy who objected to the whole movement when it started, a really awesome old guy with a wildly grown beard who probably said the same shit I just said about socks and shoes being unnecessary and about the whole arrangement of having to wear both of them being overly complicated and a bit silly, and he probably called the asshole who was peddling these crap accessories a fruitcake loony but no one believed the old guy because after all he was really old and sorta crazy and he wore no shoes or socks–which were new at the time anyway, so it wasn’t even that crazy not to wear them–and then, about 10 years or so after the old guy died, the new rich young guy who shoved all that shit about the benefits of socks and shoes down their complacent cock-sucking throats a decade back was living in some obnoxious eye-soar concrete mansion in the middle of town, where he sat indoors all day  without wearing either socks or shoes, having sex with all of the townspeople’s wives and sisters while they were busy working 14 hour days in miserable  shoe factories  just to pay off the new shiny pairs of bullshit  shoes and socks they had to purchase from that asshole every few months.

Yeh, I bet those fucking dumbshit townspeople probably wished then that they hadn’t spent so much time ragging on that badass old guy and shunning his awesome ideas, and they probably wished they hadn’t paid so much money and attention to that weasel bastard piece-of-shit young guy who sold them thousands of pairs of silly, complicated shoes and socks over the last 10 years, and who was now sitting both shoe-less and sock-less in his monstrous multimillion dollar mansion, fucking the shit out of their wives, sisters, and daughters and laughing hysterically about how stupid the townspeople looked wearing so much crap on their feet and working all day while all their loved ones were having anal sex with a shoe-less, sock-less millionaire.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. Decker permalink
    July 14, 2009 1:38 am

    When i was a young child, my friends father used to call me a “hobo” whenever he saw me playing outside with no shoes. However, i had the most fun playing with no shoes on. I am ashamed to admit that I gave in and made sure that i wore shoes whenever i was around this older man.

    Still to this day, whenever I see children playing outside with no shoes, I recall being called a “hobo” simply because I didnt wear shoes while engaging in water ballon combat. I am now convinced that my friend’s father is an ancestor of the townspeople, and he was wrong all along.

    I wish the old man who stood up for what he believed was right was still around. Although, most people believe that crazy old men such as the one described in the story about the origins of shoes are irrational, they are required to balance old people who stigmatize children for social norms that really make no sense. Children and the counter-culture old guy need each other to avoid the wrath of corrupt, money hungry exploiters and absent-minded townspeople

  2. barbarian permalink
    July 14, 2009 4:53 pm

    Wait, I think you forgot to mention that the young new millionaire shoeman was sitting in his mansion, railing away in our mothers, sisters, and daughters without a single shoe or sock on his bare naked feet. You had ample opportunity to point out the irony in this unfortunate scenario and failed to do so. The MAN WHO INVENTED BOTH SHOES AND SOCKS, GOT RICH OFF OF THEM, AND WAS THEN SLAMMING OUR BABIES WITH RECKLESS DISREGARD FOR THEIR UTERI (USES?), WITHOUT ANY SHOES OR SOCKS ON — THE VERY SOURCE OF HIS WEALTH AND POWER — WHICH ENABLES HIS DAILY DRILL FEST IN HIS LARGE MANSION, WHILE COMPLETELY DEVOID OF SOCKS OR SHOES!

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